i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
