Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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