It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
