She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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