I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your penis caused this!
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