Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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