You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
