I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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