Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
