I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
