Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
