I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
did i just pee glitter
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
