There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
