Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
