I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
