I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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