wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
