I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
