Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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