What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
