i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you had me at cake vodka
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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