a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
