I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
