Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
