When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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