I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
