now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
