My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
