mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
