So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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