Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
