Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she looked like the before picture.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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