So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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