Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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