Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
