We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
