Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
