Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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