I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
