I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When are your genitals available?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
