Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
