i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
