I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
