My first STD was from a foam party
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
