My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
