how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
