I am puke
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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