I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
