Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have aggressive nipples.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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