man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
