So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
